I have never really been around breastfeeding. I've seen people in restaurants (though usually they were concealed), I saw a friends mom do it when I was little (little as in younger than 7 or so), and I have a sister-in-law who just weaned my nephew, but she lives in another town and I never WATCHED her do it. Even though I had never really been exposed to breastfeeding, I still had decided I wanted to try it before I even got pregnant.. maybe even before I got married. I guess I've always had this idea that I would at least try it based on the premise that it's the most natural way, so it's probably the best.
After considering it, I Googled it (as I do EVERYTHING) and read all about the great benefits for both baby and mom. The main things that really pushed me to want to give it a try were that the baby would be less likely to be obese/overweight as an adult, less likely to have a huge list of diseases, mom is less likely to get breast cancer (we've had enough of that in our family!) and mom loses baby weight quicker.
The idea that just by breastfeeding as an infant, that person will be less likely to struggle with weight issues and disease is amazing! That in and of itself was enough to make me want to breastfeed (yay for the added benefits for mom). Weight is a topic that is CONSTANTLY pushed on us as a society. It is a huge deal. I have struggled with weight since high school, so I know how upsetting it can be to pull out your favorite jeans from last fall only to find they don't fit anymore! If I can spare my daughter from having to fret and worry or have low self esteem because of weight by breastfeeding, then I am definitely willing to that. Now, I'm not saying that just because you breastfeed automatically means that your child will be a healthy weight..obviously if they are given junk instead of healthy food as a toddler/child/teen, then they will still be overweight. The other reason I point this out as one of the main reasons I wanted to breastfeed is because it effects so many other reasons that are listed as why you should breastfeed. If breastfeeding does lead to a healthy weight, then the risk of disease is decreased, because of the good weight.
At first I was worried about breastfeeding, because I hadn't ever been around it. That means my mom didn't breastfeed, neither did my MIL or my SIL or anyone close to us in our family (or my husbands family). My husband had been exposed to it less than I had (actually, I don't think he'd ever been exposed to it). So I was really worried that I wouldn't have any support. I knew it would be really hard if EVERYONE was against (or at least NOT supportive). I knew I could do it if I just had my mom and my husband's support though. If they would be supportive, then I knew I could deal with the side remarks of disapproval from everyone else.
My husband was not supportive at first. Once we were married and had talked about having a baby (before I was pregnant) I brought the subject up. His response was "Eh, no way. That's gross.". He was dead set against it. So I whipped out my iPad and pulled up a website that just happened to be open that listed all the benefits of breastfeeding. Once he saw all the benefits and I used the-"Okay, well when I get breast cancer one day, its gonna be your fault because you didn't let me breastfeed"- he said he would support it.
Mom and I were on our way to go shopping when I broached the subject to her. I wasn't sure how she would react. Usually I listen to my mom.. I learned a long time ago that moms really do know best, so I always heed her advice. I thought she was going to give me a list of people that had tried to breastfeed and failed or said it was awful or that she would say I would never get to do anything but nurse. As we were driving along (I was equipped with my iPad with the same website that I had showed my husband), I said "I think I'm going to try to breastfeed.". She said "Oh, that's good. It's supposed to be good for the baby." WHAT?! I couldn't believe she was so supportive right off the bat! She didn't ask any questions or anything. Then I decided to list her all those benefits that she'd just mentioned and that I had ready. It was so refreshing to have her on my side from the very beginning. If she had said anything negative about breastfeeding, it would've stuck in my mind the whole pregnancy and I'm not sure I wouldn't have said "Eh, mom is right, this is too hard." and quit. Don't get me wrong, she did give me some horror stories of people that she had known to have some major issues, but that was just so that I wouldn't endure what those people did. I guess the reason it shocked me so much that she was so supportive is because I thought she wouldn't like it because that would mean she wouldn't get to feed the baby as much (she's so greedy when it comes to baby-lovin, which is FANTASTIC). The only other time she shocked me like this was when I told her that I wanted to have skin to skin time with the baby as soon as she was born for the first hour and I wanted to nurse her within that hour. That meant that she wouldn't get to hold the baby until I had for AN ENTIRE HOUR!! She said, "Okay. As long as I get to be there when she's born, I don't care." She wasn't there when my Little Bird was born, but she got to see her before me and she let my MIL hold her first since it was her first grandchild. Mom was really supportive and wonderful throughout the whole pregnancy, labor and since she's been home.
Once I had both my mom and my husband's support, I knew I could do it. I also knew I would have to pump at work. I saw a girl I work with carrying a pump at work, so I approached her about where she goes to pump. Turns out, there are four of us that need to pump, but there is no designated room for it. We pitched a hissy fit and they obliged (since it's a law and all). I kept my eyes peeled for the pump that I wanted.. the Medela Pump In Style On the Go Tote. Pumps are expensive. Said pump is approximately $250 (on sale). My doctor told me during one of my check ups to ask my insurance company if they cover pumps. I called my insurance and they do! So, I got the exact pump that I wanted for FREE!!! The only stipulations were that you get either one manual OR electric pump that is commercial grade (as opposed to hospital grade) per pregnancy. It has to be medically necessary (i.e. you need your doctor to write you a prescription) and it must be purchased from a DME (durable medical equipment) provider. The hospital where I delivered is considered a DME and my doctor wrote me the prescription when he told me to ask my insurance (just in case).
I didn't have any issues getting my Little Bird to nurse. I had read tons of blogs, books and websites about breastfeeding prior to delivering (so much so that I dreamed about it) and they all said that breastfeeding shouldn't hurt and that if it does hurt or your nipples bleed or crack, then you need to adjust your latch. I would like to let everyone know that even if your latch is PERFECT, it still hurts at first and your nipples still get tore up at first. I had three different lactation consultants tell me that my latch was perfect, not to change a thing. Both of my nipples cracked, bled, scabbed over. You can't stop nursing just because it hurts (it only hurt when she first got going), so then the scabs are sucked off and you end up with raw nipples. Raw nipples hurt worse than scabbed ones. After your nipples finally adjust, it stops hurting. I had people say the first week or two is the worst. I will tell you the first month is the worst. Truthfully, the first three weeks are the worst, but expect a week more and then you'll be relieved after just three weeks. As I said, it doesn't hurt the whole time she nurses, just when she first latches on. Someone would be holding her and she would get fussy and they would say.. "Uh, I think she's hungry." and I would look over and see a little alligator chomping at me... AHHH! haha... So, if you're considering breastfeeding, expect your nipples to get tore up and for it to hurt like hell for the first month.
The only "issue" I had was that one of my boobs broke. :) I'll explain. She usually "eats" one boob at each feeding.. for instance, when I put her to bed, she will eat left boob. When she wakes up in the middle of the night (usually about 1am), she eats the right boob. In the morning, she eats the left boob... etc... It's also important to note that I change her, then feed her. I did this thinking that if I nursed her and she's good and sleepy, then I would wake her up too much by changing her. So, one night, I put her to bed (left boob drained). Around 1am, she started to stir. I got up, changed her and when I went to nurse her (right boob).. she didn't want it. She was too sleepy or not hungry.. whatever the reason, she didn't want it. (When she doesn't want it, she purses her lips together and lifts her chin up as high as she can away from me.. it's so cute!).. so I thought, "okay, you'll be hungry in an hour or so, I'll be up again.. no need to pump." She didn't get up in an hour.. she didn't get up until about 5:30am. My right boob was about to explode when I got up.. I had leaked also. I fed her and instantly felt 1000 times more comfortable. Now, that boob has never been right since. It NEVER gets engorged. I was really worried and so I called a lactation consultant who said that it's rare, but if left engorged for too long, the milk cells will explode and you loose them. She said I wouldn't gain that volume back, but I could try by always starting on right boob and pumping or hand expressing after she nurses on that side. I gave that boob extra attention for a while (I didn't pump after EVERY nursing session and I didn't ALWAYS start on that side) and it's definitely better now, but not as "good" as it was before. She still gets plenty to eat and it's not so much difference that you can see my boobs are lopsided, so I'm not really worried about it.
From this experience I learned a few things (I had never read about this happening.. or if I did I didn't pay attention). I have changed my routine: I nurse on one side until she stops eating, then I burp her, then I put her back to the same boob, burp again, then I change her diaper (which wakes her up a bit), then I nurse her on the opposite boob (sometimes she doesn't want anymore), then I burp her again, then I lay her down to sleep. A nursing session usually lasts about half an hour (including the diaper change). I have also learned to wait a little when she wakes up at night. When I go to her as soon as I know she's waking up (little grunts and whines) then she never fully wakes up and usually is too sleepy to eat. Now I wait until I hear one good cry, then I turn the volume down on the monitor, close my bedroom door (so I don't wake my husband with the light and noise.... ain't I sweet) and go to her room to do the routine outlined above. By the time I get there, she is awake and anxious to eat.
Nursing is SO intimate. I LOVE it. Reading about the bonding and whatnot does not do the experience justice. I feel so close to her and truly cherish having this connection with her. I cannot describe in words the deepness of the connection or feeling. You just have to experience it. A lot of times she looks around or stares at my shirt or something, but sometimes she stares at me and it is so amazing. I LOVE when she looks at me and we just stare at each other. I ALWAYS cry when she does that.. I can't help it. Hormones? I don't know, but I look forward to nursing now and am so glad that I got the support I knew I would need and never gave up, even though it hurt at first.
Honestly, our best nursing sessions are at night. The house is quite and it's just us two up and there we are: bonding and spending time together while the rest of the world sleeps. It's weird, but I don't want her to sleep through the night. When I go back to work, I will be gone from 6:15am until 5pm. We start her bedtime routine at 8:30pm and she's out by 9:15, usually. That only gives me 4 hours and 15mins to spend time with her during the week! I'm used to spending ALL day with her!! I also have to cook, clean up, and let my husband play with her in those 4hrs... that's not a lot of time! Because of this, I know I am going to look forward to her nightly nursing session even more, which is why I don't want them to end.
Sorry this was such a long post, but this is a HUGE part of my life now, so there was a lot to say. :)
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